Thursday, February 11, 2016

Love in the time of Obamacare, 2016

#HealthPolicyValentines came early this year! Since the ACA's open enrollment ended on January 31, it's a bit post-coital this year (unlike 2015, when open enrollment was set to end on Feb. 15). But here we go with the third annual...to be updated at intervals.

Bonus this year: #GetInsuredShakespeareSonnets, toward the bottom.

My dearest ACA,
I feared you'd not endure well
till Roberts torpedoed
King versus Burwell.

     *     *     *

I've heard tell that health wonks
study best in pairs.
Cuddled on couches,
deep in Health Affairs.

     *     *     *

Uninsured and unmarried,
my troubles are myriad.
Let's get hitched and apply for
a Special Enrollment Period.

     *     *     *

Love me not for my mansion,
nor the gold in my coffers.
But sooth, for the network
my employer's health plan offers.

     *     *     *

Your arthroscopic artistry
is inspiring and thrilling.
Not so, your penchant
for egregious balance billing.

     *     *     *

Your abs are attractive,
your smile makes me merry.
But your reddest-hottest asset
is your health plan's formulary.

     *     *     *

Our health plans are creative!
Yours are plain vanilla.
Let's merge, and give birth to
an 800-pound gorilla.

     *     *     *

Heartthrob of a hospital! --
skylights, fountain, fretwork,
and scarcely a single doctor
in any health plan network.


     *     *     *

The course of true love
ne'er did run smooth
as the next 15 lawsuits
'gainst the ACA will prove.

     *     *     *

In prelude to proposing
a marital contract,
I've listed you as my
emergency contact.

Now that we're handing the bow to Shakespeare, a few HealthPolicyShakespearSonnets:


My glass shall not persuade me I am old,
So long as youth and thou are of one date,
But if you fail to get yourself insured,
In twenty years you may not look so great

     *     *     *

For all that beauty that doth cover thee,
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,
So darling, run and get thyself insured,
That I may keep in health this vital part.

     *     *     *

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
I then reflect I have insurance -- great!

     *     *     *

Is it for fear to wet a widow's eye
That thou consumest thyself in single life?
Why not then fear to make thy mother cry
and get thyself a health plan and a wife?

     *     *     *

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate,
With prudence beyond thy years on proud display:
As open season waned, thou didst remember it!

     *     *     *

Then of thy beauty do I question make,
That thou among the wastes of time must go,
Therefore, procure insurance for my sake,
And long prolong that distant day of woe.

     *     *     *

When forty winters shall besiege thy brow,
you'll want a health plan -- why not get one now?

     *     *     *

And a few missives for elected and nonprofit actors in Healthcareville:

Our ICU and your ER:
A match made in heaven.
No antitrust impediment
under Matt Bevin.

     *     *     *

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
politics is cruel,
Kynect, adieu.

     *     *     *

Oh Governor, you lovin' sir,
your policy chops make me slaver.
Let's go for single payer
via innovation waiver.

     *     *     *

O Dayton, Mark Dayton!
Prove you love us well.
Extend MinnesotaCare
to 275% FPL.

     *     *     *

Orange is the zinnia,
blue  the carnation.
A black box is healthcare
sans the Kaiser Fam Foundation.

The love ledger is not complete without a couple of #ConservativeHealthPolicyValentines:

I love me a senator
who knows how to blow up
with spending bill time bombs
Obamacare co-ops.

     *     *     *

The uninsured rate's plunging,
the costs are below budget.
You want a failure narrative?
You'll just have to fudge it.

     *     *     *

Last year's valentines here.  2014's, with the bloom of new love on them, here.

1 comment:

  1. My favorite:
    Is it for fear to wet a widow's eye...

    ReplyDelete

Share