Children first in the acceptance of same-sex marriage

I may later thicken up this post, which has been stalled by a few reading blocks, but just to get the basic idea down...

When I read Justice Kennedy's reasoning on behalf of the children of gay parents in his opinion striking down section 3 of DOMA in U.S. v. Windsor...

This [federal non-recognition of marriages sanctioned by states] places same-sex couples in an unstable position of being in a second-tier marriage. The differentiation demeans the couple, whose moral and sexual choices the Constitution protects, see Lawrence, 539 U. S. 558, and whose relationship the State has sought to dignify. And it humiliates tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples. The law in question makes it even more difficult for the children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family and its concord with other families in their community and in their daily lives...

...I flashed back to Jeffrey Toobin's profile of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, which thanks to dysfunction on the New Yorker website I have not been able to access, subscription notwithstanding. According to Toobin, Ginsburg is at least a bit ambivalent about Roe v. Wade, which she thinks may have brought too much change too quickly. Held up as a counter-example was the low profile manner in which gay would-be parents won adoption rights -- in relatively non-adversarial family court proceedings. I can't recall whether Ginsburg had a hand in this, or simply admired the steady under-the-radar progress.

Civil unions are not marriage "in all but name"

When I read the passage below in Justice Kennedy's decision striking down DOMA today, I thought of a gay friend of mine:

DOMA also brings financial harm to children of same-sex couples. It raises the cost of health care for families by taxing health benefits provided by employers to their workers’ same-sex spouses.

My friend was married to his husband in a New Jersey church a few years ago.  Legally, they are joined in a New Jersey civil union. My friend gets health insurance through his spouse, but thanks to DOMA, the employer does not get the federal tax exemption for providing his health insurance, and the employer passes on the cost to this couple.

When New Jersey passed its law establishing civil unions in 2006, it was billed as marriage in all but name. It was never that, and now its difference from marriage is all the more acute. An ACLU-NJ press release applauding today's decision and exhorting New Jerseyans to push for gay marriage spells this out:

Same-sex couples in civil unions will remain ineligible for the hundreds of benefits that now will be granted to same-sex married couples in other states under the court’s decision.